100 Reasons It's Great to be A Guy
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Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
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Movie nudity is virtually always female.
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You know stuff about tanks.
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A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.
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Monday Night Football.
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You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives.
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Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
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You can open all your own jars.
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Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained weight.
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Dry cleaners and haircutter's don't rob you blind.
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When clicking through the channel, you don't have to stall on every shot
of someone crying.
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Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
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All your orgasms are real.
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A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
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Guys in hockey masks don't attack you.
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You don't have to lug a bag of useless stuff around everywhere you go.
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You understand why Stripes is funny.
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You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
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Your last name stays put.
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You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
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When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly
hates you.
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You can kill your own food.
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The garage is all yours.
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You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
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You see the humor in Terms of Endearment.
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Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
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You never have to clean the toilet.
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You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
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Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
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Wedding plans take care of themselves.
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If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be you
friend.
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Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.
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The National College Cheerleading Championship.
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None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
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You don't have to shave below your neck.
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You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every night.
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If you're 34 and single nobody notices.
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You can write your name in the snow.
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You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.
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Everything on your face stays its original color.
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Chocolate is just another snack.
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You can be president.
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You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
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Flowers fix everything.
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You never have to worry about other people's feelings.
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You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
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You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
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Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
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You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
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You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
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Foreplay is optional.
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Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.
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Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
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You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
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You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming by.
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You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
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Car mechanics tell you the truth.
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You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
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You can watch a game in silence with your buddy for hours without even thinking
(He must be mad at me)
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The world is your urinal.
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You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to
leave you.
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You get to jump up and slap stuff.
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Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
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One mood, all the time.
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You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
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You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just to
skeevy.
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You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
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You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
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Same work....more pay.
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Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
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You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
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Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
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You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back.
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With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the earth's population
in 15 tries, at least in theory.
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You don't mooch off others' desserts.
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If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
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The remote is yours and yours alone.
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People never glance at your chest when your talking to them.
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ESPN's sports center.
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You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
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Bachelor parties whomp ass over bridal showers.
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You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
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You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
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You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
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If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your friends
you've changed.
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Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
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You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "F*#k it!"
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If an other guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become
lifelong buddies.
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Princess Di's death was almost just another obituary.
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The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
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You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because your not in the mood.
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You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
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If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw
it across the room.
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New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
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Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.
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You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.
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Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
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Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So... notice anything
different?"
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Baywatch
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There is always a game on somewhere
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