| 15. | Have state troopers extend the invitation for that all-important first date. | |
| 14. | Be sure to point out the "Blimp Effect" of those horizontal stripes she's wearing. | |
| 13. | Ask, "You're not allergic to latex, are you?" | |
| 12. | Don't let him skip out by claiming to go to the bathroom -- follow him. | |
| 11. | Before asking for the waiter's phone number, borrow a buck from your date for a tip. | |
| 10. | On your first golf date, ask her if she'll help you look for the real killers. | |
| 9. | If she still lives with her parents, give her dad your bail bondsman's business card, "just in case." | |
| 8. | Ask politely if your date minds waiting in the car while you talk to your Parole Officer. | |
| 7. | If she's a dog lover, skip the good-night kiss and just lick her face. | |
| 6. | Nothing says "I like you" like a big hunk of headcheese. | |
| 5. | Ask the waiter for a table in the "PMS Section." | |
| 4. | Properly stimulated, the inner lip of the nostril, or the "Labia Nostrum", is a highly erogenous zone. | |
| 3. | Red wine for dumpster meals, white for road kill. | |
| 2. | "How do I love thee? Let me belch the ways." | |
| 1. | Never try to impress your date with snot sculptures unless you have enough mucus to finish. |