Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ASS?
If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!
Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're a jerk.
100,000 sperm and YOU were the fastest?
Your gene pool needs a little chlorine.
You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!
DON'T PISS ME OFF! I'M RUNNING OUT OF PLACES TO HIDE THE BODIES.
You are depriving some poor village of its IDIOT
Save Your Breath ... You'll need it to blow up your date!
Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.
GROW YOUR OWN DOPE, PLANT A MAN!
All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets.
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
So you're a feminist... Isn't that cute.
I need someone really bad...Are you really bad?
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
All men are idiots....I married their king.
The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.
Hang up and drive.
Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips
I took an IQ test and the results were negative
Where there's a will...I want to be on it.
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
We are born naked, wet, and hungry....Then things get worse
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Be nice to your kids...They will pick out your nursing home
Always remember you're unique...Just like everyone else And now the
Honk If You Want To See My Finger