Application for Permission to Date My Daughter

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage,
and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME______________________________________  DATE OF BIRTH______________

HEIGHT____________  WEIGHT_____________  IQ__________  GPA_____________

SOCIAL SECURITY #___________________  DRIVERS LICENSE #________________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES______________________________________________

HOME ADDRESS__________________________  CITY/STATE___________  ZIP_____

Do you have parents? ___Yes  ___No
If No, explain:
_______________________________________________________________________

Number of years they have been married ________________________________

If less than your age, explain ________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________________

Do you own a van? _______________

A truck with oversized tires? _______________

A waterbed?_______________

A pickup with a mattress in the back?_______________

Do you have an earring, nose ring, or a navel ring? _______________

A tattoo?_______________

(IF YES TO THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES)

In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?______________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

Church you attend ____________________________________________________

How often you attend _________________________________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:

father? _____________

mother? _____________

pastor? _____________

Answer by filling in the blank.  Please answer freely, all answers are
confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:

_____________________________________________________________________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:

_____________________________________________________________________

C: A woman's place is in the:

_____________________________________________________________________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:

_____________________________________________________________________

What do you want to do IF you grow up? ______________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

What is the current going rate of a hotel room? _____________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE
BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE
AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER
TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.


_____________________________________________
Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)

Thank you for your interest.  Please allow four to six years for
processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved.  Please do not
try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you
injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two
gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases (you might watch
your back).
  
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