You Know You're Getting Old When...

• Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
• The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.
• You feel like the morning after and you haven't been anywhere.
• Your little black book contains only names that end in M.D.
• Your children begin to look middle-aged.
• You finally reach the top of the ladder and find it leaning against the wrong wall.
• Your mind makes contracts your body can't meet.
• You look forward to a dull evening.
• Your favorite part of the newspaper is "20-years ago today . . ."
• You turn out the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons.
• You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
• Your knees buckle and your belt won't.
• You're 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist, and 95 around the golf course.
• Your back goes out more than you do.
• Your pacemaker makes the garage door go up when you see a pretty girl.
• The little old gray-haired lady you helped across the street is your wife.
• You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.
• You have too much room in the house and not enough room in the medicine cabinet.
• You get your exercise acting as a pallbearer for your friends who exercise.
• You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.