The following is a correspondence which "actually occurred" between a London hotel's staff and one of its guests, and was submitted to the Sunday Times.
Dear Maid:
Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom
since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened
little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in
the shower soap dish. They are in my way.
Thank you,
S. Berman
Dear Room 535:
I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her
day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested.
The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex
dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars
I left today which my instructions from the management is to leave 3 soaps
daily.
I hope this is satisfactory.
Kathy, Relief Maid
Dear Maid -- I hope you are my regular maid:
Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning the little
bars of soap. When I got back to my room this evening, I found you had added
3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet. I am going to be
here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my own bath-size Dial so
I won't need those 6 little Camays which are on the shelf. They are in my
way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc. Please remove them.
S. Berman
Dear Mr. Berman:
My day off was last Wed. so the relief maid left 3 hotel soaps which we are
instructed by the management. I took the 6 soaps which were in your way on
the shelf and put them in the soap dish where your Dial was. I put the Dial
in the medicine cabinet for your convenience. I didn't remove the 3 complimentary
soaps which are always placed inside the medicine cabinet for all new check-ins
and which you did not object to when you checked in last Monday. Please let
me know if I can be of further assistance.
Your regular maid, Dotty
Dear Mr. Berman:
The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this A.M. that you called
him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid service. I have
assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will accept my apologies for
any past inconvenience. If you have any future complaints please contact
me so I can give it my personal attention. Call extension 1108 between 8
AM and 5 PM. Thank you.
Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper
Dear Miss Carmen:
It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for business
at 7:45 AM and don't get back before 5:30 or 6 PM. That's the reason I called
Mr. Kensedder last night. You were already off duty. I only asked Mr. Kensedder
if he could do anything about those little bars of soap. The new maid you
assigned me must have thought I was a new check-in today, since she left
another 3 bars of hotel soap in my medicine cabinet along with her regular
delivery of 3 bars on the bath-room shelf. In just 5 days here I have acumulated
24 little bars of soap. Why are you doing this to me?
S. Berman
Dear Mr. Berman:
Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your room
and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance, please call
extension 1108 between 8AM and 5 PM. Thank you,
Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper
Dear Mr. Kensedder,
My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my room including
my own bath-size Dial. I came in late last night and had to call the bellhop
to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.
S. Berman
Dear Mr. Berman:
I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem. I cannot
understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids are instructed
to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a room. The situation will
be rectified immediately. Please accept my apologies for the inconvenience.
Martin L. Kensedder, Assistant Manager
Dear Mrs. Carmen:
Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I came in last night
and found 54 little bars of soap. I don't want 54 little bars of Camay. I
want my one damn bar of bath-size Dial. Do you realize I have 54 bars of
soap in here? All I want is my bath size Dial. Please give me back my bath-size
Dial.
S. Berman
Dear Mr. Berman,
You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them removed. Then
you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing so I personally
returned them. The 24 Camays which had been taken and the 3 Camays you are
supposed to receive daily (sic). I don't know anything about the 4 Cashmere
Bouquets. Obviously your maid, Kathy, did not know I had returned your soaps
so she also brought 24 Camays plus the 3 daily Camays. I don't know where
you got the idea this hotel issues bath-size Dial. I was able to locate some
bath-size Ivory which I left in your room.
Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper
Dear Mrs. Carmen:
Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory. As
of today I possess:
Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are neatly
piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more than 4 have
a tendency to tip. May I suggest that my bedroom window sill is not in use
and will make an excellent spot for future soap deliveries. One more item,
I have purchased another bar of bath-sized Dial which I am keeping in the
hotel vault in order to avoid further misunderstandings.
S. Berman