I get up at 6 a.m., no matter what time it is.
If a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. If a woman talks dirty to man, it's $2.98 a minute.
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.
One woman's hobby is another woman's hubby.
The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the prices of a new car.
It's what people don't know about each other that makes them such good friends.
After all is said and done - where do the people in hell tell one another to go ?
If you can't get a lawyer who knows the law, get one who knows the judge.
A man lay spread out over three seats in the second row of a movie theatre. As he lay there breathing heavily, an usher came over and said, "That's very rude of you, sir, taking up three seats. Didn't you learn any manners? Where did you come from?"
The man looked up helplessly and said, "The balcony!"