At work, they call you a spiritualist because when you sit down at a meeting, the table floats.
Your face is very pale due to lack of blood.
When you walk into a sauna, everyone stands and applauds. They begin to call you "the tripod."
You begin to think your mother in law is pretty.
Sunbathing nude outside standing: Birds perch on it.
Sunbathing nude outside lying down: You look like a sundial.
Everyone at the bank, grocery, etc. lets you go to the front of the line.
Compared to you, Pinocchio doesn't look like such a liar.
You always lose limbo contests.
Lewinsky wants you to be President someday.
You can make drawings in the sand without having to find a stick.
You like to sleep on your back, so you had to remove the ceiling fan.