How to Write Good

1. Avoid alliteration. Always.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
4. Employ the vernacular.
5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
7. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
8. Contractions aren't necessary.
9. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
10. One should never generalize.
11. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
12. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
13. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
14. Be more or less specific.
15. Understatement is always best.
16. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
17. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
18. The passive voice is to be avoided.
19. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
20. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
21. Who needs rhetorical questions?
22. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

Additional Rules

1. Subject and verb always has to agree.
2. Do not use a foreign term when there is an adequate English quid pro quo.
3. It behooves the writer to avoid archaic expressions.
4. Do not use hyperbole: not one writer in a million can use it effectively.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague.
6. Mixed metaphors are a pain in the neck and should be thrown out the window.
7. Placing a comma between subject and predicate, is not correct.
8. Parenthetical words however must be enclosed in commas.
9. Consult a dictionary frequently to avoid mispelling.
10. Don't be redundant.
11. Don't repeat yourself or say what you have said before.
12. Remember to never split an infinitive.
13. The passive voice should not be used.
14. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.
15. Don't use no double negatives.
16. Proofread carefully to see if you have any words out.
17. Hopefully, you will use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
18. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
19. No sentence fragments.
20. Remember to finish what