The Male Stages of Life
|
|
The Female Stages of Life
|
Age |
Drink |
| 17 |
beer |
| 25 |
vodka |
| 35 |
scotch |
| 48 |
double scotch |
| 66 |
Maalox |
|
|
Age |
Drink |
| 17 |
wine coolers |
| 25 |
white wine |
| 35 |
red wine |
| 48 |
Dom Perignon |
| 66 |
Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser |
|
Seduction Line |
| 17 |
My parents are away for the weekend. |
| 25 |
My girlfriend is away for the weekend. |
| 35 |
My fiancee is away for the weekend. |
| 48 |
My wife is away for the weekend. |
| 66 |
My second wife is dead. |
|
|
Excuses for Refusing Dates |
| 17 |
Need to wash my hair |
| 25 |
Need to wash and condition my hair |
| 35 |
Need to color my hair |
| 48 |
Need to have Francois color my hair |
| 66 |
Need to have Francois color my wig |
|
Favorite Sport |
| 17 |
sex |
| 25 |
sex |
| 35 |
sex |
| 48 |
sex |
| 66 |
napping |
|
|
Favorite Sport |
| 17 |
shopping |
| 25 |
shopping |
| 35 |
shopping |
| 48 |
shopping |
| 66 |
shopping |
|
Definition of a Successful Date |
| 17 |
"tongue" |
| 25 |
"breakfast" |
| 35 |
"She didn't set back my therapy." |
| 48 |
"I didn't have to meet her kids." |
| 66 |
"Got home alive." |
|
|
Definition of a Successful Date |
| 17 |
"Burger King" |
| 25 |
"Free meal" |
| 35 |
"A diamond" |
| 48 |
"A bigger diamond" |
| 66 |
"Home Alone" |
|
Favorite Fantasy |
| 17 |
getting to third |
| 25 |
airplane sex |
| 35 |
menage a trois |
| 48 |
taking the company public |
| 66 |
Swiss maid/Nazi love slave |
|
|
Favorite Fantasy |
| 17 |
tall, dark and handsome |
| 25 |
tall, dark and handsome with money |
| 35 |
tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain |
| 48 |
a man with hair |
| 66 |
a man |
|
House Pet |
| 17 |
roaches |
| 25 |
stoned-out college roommate |
| 35 |
Irish setter |
| 48 |
children from first marriage |
| 66 |
Barbie |
|
|
House Pet |
| 17 |
Muffy the cat |
| 25 |
Unemployed boyfriend and Muffy the Cat |
| 35 |
Irish setter and Muffy the Cat |
| 48 |
Children from his first marriage and Muffy the Cat |
| 66 |
Retired husband dabbles in taxidermy, stuffs Muffy the Cat |
|
What is the Ideal Age to Get Married? |
| 17 |
25 |
| 25 |
35 |
| 35 |
48 |
| 48 |
66 |
| 66 |
17 |
|
|
Ideal Date |
| 17 |
He offers to pay |
| 25 |
He pays |
| 35 |
He cooks breakfast the next morning |
| 48 |
He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids |
| 66 |
He can chew breakfast |
|